Enough is enough

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I swear, I have had the worst luck with clients or potential clients lately and I’m seriously about to just scrap it all and start fresh – new business, new target market, new everything.

First there was the client who hired me to convert an HTML site to a WP site plus 10 hours worth of VA work. I got the site done right away and heard nothing from them for like a month. Now usually I don’t do rollover hours. The hours are to be used before the end of the month. But I let it go and carried them over to January. Then in January, those 10 hours that I’d intended to spend on some administrative stuff – sales pages, newsletter, etc. – were spent on constant revisions. The site was DONE. New graphics, theme fully customized, the whole bit. Then came the “Oh I think I want this other theme instead.” Ok, fine. I redid the whole thing with a different theme. Done. “Oh, I think I want a different color scheme.” ARRGGH!!! Redid all of the CSS and the .php files and waited for the rest of the info to be used in the pages. Two header redesigns later, I still don’t have the text I need. Plus I’m having to go in and fix things that they tried to do on their own – turn pages into posts, move categories to subcategories. I wait a week for a response which I finally get on a Friday afternoon. By Tuesday, I’m getting “Where are you?? Is the site done??” emails. Two working days later. Two. Actually, more like one and a half since it was Tuesday morning. Needless to say, there were no VA hours left over to get to the stuff I had originally planned because it was all spent on the bazillion revisions.

Then there are the ones who want an entire WP site done twice as fast for half the price. First its the “I can’t afford it” stuff. I tried to make it easier by splitting it up into two payments, sent out an invoice for the first half. Waited and waited on payment. Nada. They wanted a list of what was being done for this (already reduced) price. Sent it. Then comes the haggling. How much if we don’t do this part? How much for just this that and the other? I never should’ve caved in to begin with. It just opens a door that never gets shut unless you slam it. Hard.

Now from someone else, I’ve got an unpaid invoice that’s never going to get paid because they’re claiming they never got the email in which I sent the first draft so they hired someone else. Now how am I supposed to prove I sent it and is it even really worth it? No matter what I do, they’re going to refuse to pay. Oh and if I want proof that they never got it, I can check out their site to see that they’re using a different one. So I did. And guess what? The tag line on the one they’re using is the EXACT same one I came up with on the draft of the graphic I sent that they “never” received. Coincidence? Doubtful.

Lessons learned. From now on, I am standing firm on my prices and my policies including a deposit before work is even started. Proposals, expenses, timelines will all be laid out in the beginning and any deviations from that will either cause other work to get pushed to the bottom of the priority list or it all gets done and the extra hours are billed.

I can’t do business like this. I can’t put in 20 hours and only get paid for 10 of them. I can’t do $500 worth of work for $200. And I can’t put time into a project that I’m not going to get paid for.

Now I’m sure I’ll be bashed and gossiped about for talking publicly about this because I’m supposed to be worried about my image. But ya know what? If it sends the message that I do not appreciate or deserve to be taken advantage of , good. I know I’m not the only who has had these problems and I have no problem being the one to speak up and say you can’t treat people like this. Hopefully my future clients will appreciate that about me. Those that have a problem with it will certainly be able to find someone else to hire.

If you want quality work and you want me to do what you hired me to do, let’s talk. If you want to hire someone who is willing to negotiate their prices and do some of the work for free…well, I wish you luck. Please, please, please respect the people that provide the services your business needs. We have busy schedules and bills to pay too.

Aaaahhhhhhhh!!! I needed to get that out or else I would’ve lost what’s left of my mind.

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I am so lost

My whole work situation makes me want to just yank every freakin’ hair out of my head. Every time I say “Screw it, I give up, I’m just going back to working in some stupid cubicle job with fluorescent lighting and bad coffee” something or someone tells me to hang in there, it gets better. And it does…for a week or so. Then I find myself right back at Square One. I hate Square One.

Here’s where I’m at. As you know, I started my VA business back in July with the intention of putting my background in the legal field and my passion for setting up and writing blogs to good use. I wanted to help attorneys with both their administrative stuff and their marketing stuff. But its just not happening. It seems like all of the attorneys I come across either don’t want a VA, they want to set up their blogs by themselves, or they already have a VA.

Somehow most of my work ends up being projects, mainly WordPress installations and customizations or writing press releases which is fine because I like doing both of those. The only problem is once a project is done, its done. Then I find myself scrambling for another project, trying to keep the money coming. In order to do that, I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to market myself, get my name out there, get referrals, networking, etc.

Two days ago, someone who I really admire and whose opinion I value suggested that, by doing that, I’m doing myself more harm than good. By doing all of this stuff, it looks like I have too much going on and potential clients are going to think that I won’t have any time for them because I’m too busy doing “my” stuff.She suggested I get rid of NAVLA and all of my other blogs, even though they are just “hobby” blogs about things I am passionate about like mental health and custody issues. Oh and my theme on my VA website sucks too. Ah, Square One, we meet again, you sonofa#$%$*.

Well….that pretty much flushes everything I’ve learned so far right down the toilet. Everywhere else I’ve looked for help – blogs, forums, newsletters – says I need to be blogging, I need to be doing a newsletter, I need to let people know that I’m available and capable. So how do I do that without marketing myself? Apparently its done by getting referrals from existing clients or people who are familiar with my work. Ok, great, I’ve been doing that. But there’s that stupid Square One again. Its just random projects.

Classic chicken/egg stuff here. If I had clients, I wouldn’t need to spend time doing all of that networking/marketing stuff. But if I don’t do that stuff, I won’t have clients. Believe me, I would MUCH rather be spending time earning money than going around leaving comments on blogs and trying to think of newsletter topics.

I’m a single mom. I can’t live on random projects. If I had a full time j-o-b (yuck!) or a husband (double yuck!) and these projects were just additional income, it would be awesome. But this is my only source of income. Making $100 a week just doesn’t cut it. Making $100 a week gets my phone, heat, and electricity shut off. Making $100 a week barely covers gas and groceries. What about rent?

I had hoped to have retainer clients by now because not only would I be able to spend my days actually working, I’d have a consistent income. Consistent income = That Crazy Mom isn’t quite so crazy. Being broke is depressing and humiliating. I’m one of those people that, if I won the lottery, I would still work or volunteer or do something because, well, I need to be doing something!

But what kind of “something” am I going to do now? I even asked Lynn Terry during her webinar this morning “What do you do when what you really want to do isn’t where the money is? I’m tempted to throw away the VA business and personal blog and just do affiliate marketing since that’s where everyone seems to be making the most money.” (She said use my personal blog and my VA business as platforms for the affiliate marketing.)

Honestly I don’t know what to do and I don’t even like to talk about it anymore. I have well-meaning friends who will try to help by spreading my name on Twitter but that just makes me feel like a charity case. One person even used my situation as an example to start a series on one of my favorite blogs about teaching people how to fish instead of just throwing them a fish. That crushed me. How would anyone else feel about being made the poster child of Doing It Wrong? And it wasn’t even me that had done it. It was based on someone else writing a post about my situation which made it look like I was looking for sympathy and begging for clients. Thats not even close to the truth. Maybe it seemed like that to other people but, believe me, that’s not what I was doing. Venting my frustrations, yes. Begging for help? No. Not my style. I’m too stubborn and independent to rely on other people. My mother is the only one I will ask for help and even then I don’t like getting it.

Anyway, this post is getting too long and I’m running out of things to say without turning it into some crazy, rambling mess. Just please don’t go around sharing this with your friends with comments like “Oh that poor girl!” This is my blog. This is where I get my thoughts and feelings out. I even have a category called “This is My Therapy” because that’s all this is.

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I quit…maybe

I’m being forced into a position where I may have no choice but to give up on my dream of owning my own business. I’m sitting here in tears now just thinking about going to a local business on Monday and *gasp* filling out a job application. This weekend, I’m going to work on updating my resumé so I can start sending it out.

If I get a J-O-B, I won’t have time for my business. But if I don’t get a J-O-B I won’t have a roof over my head.

I don’t know what else I can do. I’ve done everything “they” tell me to do – the marketing, the networking, the SEO, the PLR, the affiliate stuff…

I’ve bartered in exchange for testimonials. I’ve offered discounts for referrals or to members of certain groups. I’ve done last minute freelance projects just so I could afford food for my kids and gas for my car.

I can’t even pay my rent, much less join clubs and groups and pay for a buttload of advertising. There is so much truth to the saying “it takes money to make money”. I’m trying to make the most of whatever freebies I can find even if it means dealing with an inbox loaded with newsletters that I had to sign up for to get the free ebook/webinar/mp3 recording. I’ve spent hours in seminars trying to win access to some of these but end up empty-handed and neglecting my family.

I’ve tried to stay positive. I’ve tried to act like business is going great. But its not. And every time I see someone on Twitter talking about their great clients and being so busy with work that they can barely keep up, it just makes me feel completely inadequate, like there is something fundamentally wrong with me, that I don’t deserve that kind of success regardless of how much time and work and “blood, sweat and tears” I’ve put into it.

But blood, sweat and tears don’t pay the bills. Minimum wage, here I come…again.

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No I’m not ok

But thanks for asking.

Its no secret that I’ve been in a slump lately. To be honest, “slump” doesn’t cover it. I’m fighting another round of depression but I’m fighting it really hard so I’m still somewhat functional. I can Twitter, I can write review posts, I can get my work done, but that’s about it.

So rather than email everyone who has asked me what’s wrong, I’ll just try to write a brief and somewhat vague explanation here.

First, I lost my job. My day job, the one that pays the bills until I get more clients. Yeah, its gone. I had to go to yet another court hearing (4 in one month), so they fired me because I’ve missed too much time. Exact same reason I lost my job at the law firm last year making twice what I’m making now and doing what I love. See, I tried to turn a negative into a positive and it became the motivation for starting my own business. Starting my VA business would have allowed me more flexibility and control over my schedule. Unfortunately, its not enough to support my family so I was holding on to the regular job. So much for that.

Then I lost my Princess. I’ve been battling in court over my educational rights which The Sperm Donor and DHHS have both just tried to run over with a freakin’ freight train. So The Sperm Donor and his pitbull attorney requested an emergency removal of my daughter because I didn’t take her to the school by his house which is 30 miles away from my house. I’ll save you from doing the math. That’s 120 miles per day, 2 hours of driving, 5 days a week. I tried to enroll her in our local school but they wouldn’t let me. So I started homeschooling her. I set up a curriculum, signed up for an online homeschooling calendar, bought a few supplies and did what I had to do to make sure she was getting the education she deserves (don’t even get me started on the public school mess from last year that the Sperm Donor put us through). It was going great, she loved it, she learned more in one day here than she had in an entire week at public school. But then, just to be a dick, he goes and gets this order saying that I didn’t take her to school for two days and for some fucked up reason, in his mind, that warrants having the cops show up at my house to take my daughter.

The only thing worse than having your child taken away from you is going to their funeral. There’s a physical ache in my chest, a sinkhole where my heart is supposed to be. I can’t even go in my room because the day she left, she was “hosting a birthday party” for her dolls in my room and they’re all still in there. I went into my room to change clothes the next day and I just lost it. I collapsed onto the bed in tears.

To top it off, Bubba isn’t here either. He wanted to go to a friend’s birthday party. Well in order for him to go, I had to give up my weekend. See, his dad won’t just switch weekends like most normal, civil parents would do. Last year, Bubba wanted to go to a school dance that was on my weekend. I said “Ok, fine, we’ll just switch weekends.” I sent the Stepbitchmother an email saying it was fine with me. Oh but that’s just not acceptable to Bubba’s dad. He forced Bubba to stick to the schedule and said it was my fault that he couldn’t go to the dance because I’m the one that took him to court after he kidnapped my son and I didn’t see him for a year and because I did that, we have this court order that says he’s supposed to be here so by God, he’s going to be here. So this time, I made the sacrifice (I was willing to last year, he just wouldn’t accept it) so Bubba could be with his friends, especially considering his dad rarely ever lets him hang out with his friends. This jerk has even taken time off from work to sit in the parking lot across from the public swimming pool to spy on Bubba. The one place he was allowed to go all summer long and his dad has to spy on him to make sure he’s really there. Anyway…once again, I’m always the one making sacrifices.

So now here I sit until the hearing on Wednesday morning with nothing to do – no job, no clients, no homeschool, no lunches to make, no Hannah Montana or Clifford to watch. I’m just a big blob of nothing. Princess isn’t here, Bubba isn’t here, just me and the cats which is why I’m developing this paranoia about turning into Crazy Cat Lady.

There’s your answer. No, I’m not ok…but thanks for asking.

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