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That’s what I’m watching on TV right now. I think I may have lost a few brain cells in my sleep or something because I’m actually entertained by this.

WHOA. Have you seen the Rolling Stones’ “Sticky Fingers” album cover?

There’s no way they’d get away with that now. Tipper Gore would’ve fallen right out of her mid-heel pumps running to put a stop to that. I know this because I did a speech on the PMRC in the 10th grade. I don’t remember what the point of my speech was but I do remember that I had two goals: 1) find a way to talk about Bon Jovi and 2) shock value.

And while we’re on the subject of Sh!t That Wouldn’t Fly Today, let’s talk about ‘Shaft‘.

(Insert moment of silence for Isaac Hayes here.)

Do I really need to explain why ? Renting a movie named ‘Shaft’ nowadays would involve two forms of ID, a major credit card and a special key to the *wink, wink* back room.

I was born in 1971 1974 1972 Ok, fine! Do over…

I was born in 1971, so I obviously don’t remember a lot of this stuff which really sucks sometimes because I would’ve loved to have been born in the 60’s, spending my tween years listening to Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin before they, like, died from drug overdoses.

From what I remember, the 70s were pretty cool. But there’s some stuff that just doesn’t make sense, man. Like Charo. Ya know, the “cuchi cuchi” lady. Any of you baby boomers remember why in the hell she’s famous?

And the Grateful Dead. Why would dead people be grateful? And why would a bunch of people hitch-hike all over the country to follow these guys who are inexplicably grateful yet not at all dead? I’ve never been a fan of the Grateful Dead and I never quite understood Deadheads although, from what I understand, some of them became Phisheads except for the older ones who couldn’t handle the walking anymore after their hip replacement surgery. No, I’m serious. My dad just had his hip replaced and he’s got a tattoo of Jerry Garcia but he’s a Parrothead now. (Parrotheads worship Jimmy Buffett, not to be confused with Omahans who worship Warren Buffett.)

I totally missed out on being a hippy. I would’ve made a good hippy. The closest I ever came was about 10 years ago when I went to an outdoor Ziggy Marley concert and ended up dancing barefoot in the rain all by myself. (That really happened.)

I miss the 70s. Or maybe I just miss being a kid.