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But thanks for asking.

Its no secret that I’ve been in a slump lately. To be honest, “slump” doesn’t cover it. I’m fighting another round of depression but I’m fighting it really hard so I’m still somewhat functional. I can Twitter, I can write review posts, I can get my work done, but that’s about it.

So rather than email everyone who has asked me what’s wrong, I’ll just try to write a brief and somewhat vague explanation here.

First, I lost my job. My day job, the one that pays the bills until I get more clients. Yeah, its gone. I had to go to yet another court hearing (4 in one month), so they fired me because I’ve missed too much time. Exact same reason I lost my job at the law firm last year making twice what I’m making now and doing what I love. See, I tried to turn a negative into a positive and it became the motivation for starting my own business. Starting my VA business would have allowed me more flexibility and control over my schedule. Unfortunately, its not enough to support my family so I was holding on to the regular job. So much for that.

Then I lost my Princess. I’ve been battling in court over my educational rights which The Sperm Donor and DHHS have both just tried to run over with a freakin’ freight train. So The Sperm Donor and his pitbull attorney requested an emergency removal of my daughter because I didn’t take her to the school by his house which is 30 miles away from my house. I’ll save you from doing the math. That’s 120 miles per day, 2 hours of driving, 5 days a week. I tried to enroll her in our local school but they wouldn’t let me. So I started homeschooling her. I set up a curriculum, signed up for an online homeschooling calendar, bought a few supplies and did what I had to do to make sure she was getting the education she deserves (don’t even get me started on the public school mess from last year that the Sperm Donor put us through). It was going great, she loved it, she learned more in one day here than she had in an entire week at public school. But then, just to be a dick, he goes and gets this order saying that I didn’t take her to school for two days and for some fucked up reason, in his mind, that warrants having the cops show up at my house to take my daughter.

The only thing worse than having your child taken away from you is going to their funeral. There’s a physical ache in my chest, a sinkhole where my heart is supposed to be. I can’t even go in my room because the day she left, she was “hosting a birthday party” for her dolls in my room and they’re all still in there. I went into my room to change clothes the next day and I just lost it. I collapsed onto the bed in tears.

To top it off, Bubba isn’t here either. He wanted to go to a friend’s birthday party. Well in order for him to go, I had to give up my weekend. See, his dad won’t just switch weekends like most normal, civil parents would do. Last year, Bubba wanted to go to a school dance that was on my weekend. I said “Ok, fine, we’ll just switch weekends.” I sent the Stepbitchmother an email saying it was fine with me. Oh but that’s just not acceptable to Bubba’s dad. He forced Bubba to stick to the schedule and said it was my fault that he couldn’t go to the dance because I’m the one that took him to court after he kidnapped my son and I didn’t see him for a year and because I did that, we have this court order that says he’s supposed to be here so by God, he’s going to be here. So this time, I made the sacrifice (I was willing to last year, he just wouldn’t accept it) so Bubba could be with his friends, especially considering his dad rarely ever lets him hang out with his friends. This jerk has even taken time off from work to sit in the parking lot across from the public swimming pool to spy on Bubba. The one place he was allowed to go all summer long and his dad has to spy on him to make sure he’s really there. Anyway…once again, I’m always the one making sacrifices.

So now here I sit until the hearing on Wednesday morning with nothing to do - no job, no clients, no homeschool, no lunches to make, no Hannah Montana or Clifford to watch. I’m just a big blob of nothing. Princess isn’t here, Bubba isn’t here, just me and the cats which is why I’m developing this paranoia about turning into Crazy Cat Lady.

There’s your answer. No, I’m not ok…but thanks for asking.

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